Always encourage a struggling person to communicate and share how they are feeling, even if you find what they are saying uncomfortable.
And do not be too hard on yourself, it is normal to feel ill-equipped and worried about saying the wrong thing when someone is in such a vulnerable position.
Do this…
Here is some general guidance on how you can approach a loved one with the topic of suicide, and allow them to be heard and understood:
| Support step | What to do |
|---|---|
| Begin with love | Offer unconditional reassurance that you love and care for them, and are here to support them in whatever way they need. |
| Remind them they’re not alone | Let them know you’re by their side. Mention others who are also invested in their wellbeing and happiness. |
| Listen with empathy | Acknowledge their pain, even if you haven’t experienced it yourself. Let them speak freely without interruption, judgement, or challenge. |
| Normalise the struggle | Reassure them that struggling doesn’t make them weak! To struggle is to be human, and as believers, hardship is a reality of life and can lead to growth. |
| Use active listening | Reflect and repeat back what they say to check your understanding. Let them clarify or adjust as needed. Continue to refine what you have understood according to their feedback. |
| Stay in touch | Keep regular, comfortable conversations going. Outdoor meet-ups may feel less intense than private settings such as at home. |
| Involve nature and movement | Suggest walks or time in natural and serene spaces. A change of scenery can help lift the mood and ease tension. |
| Avoid criticism | Don’t blame or dismiss what they share. Even if you disagree, respect their view and offer gentle healing perspectives that they may not have considered. Try not to rewrite their narrative in a way that causes them to stop communicating. |
| Build their self-esteem | Remind them of their strengths, past achievements, and those who deeply love and value them. Develop their sense of worth as this may be the most important thing they need to be reminded of about themselves. |
| Reflect on past patterns | Gently explore whether they’ve felt like this before, and what made things better or worse. |
| Make short-term plans | Set small, achievable goals for the days ahead, ones that will positively impact their routine and mindset. Offer to check in and encourage progress. Set goals together, but not too far into the future. Ensure they know you are there at every stage. |
| Encourage professional help | Raise the idea of getting support. Offer to help arrange it or accompany them if needed. It could be a call to a charity, or a chat with their GP, a counsellor, or others who can provide tailored support. |
| Be patient | They may be silent or reluctant at first! Trust takes time — stay sincere and consistent. Begin the process and see it through. You do not need to fully understand everything they are going through to help them feel heard and supported. |
| Keep trying | Don’t give up. Each attempt shows you care, even if it’s not met with a response right away. |
Don’t do this…
Sometimes our attempts to help can lead us to make statements that make our loved ones feel judged, alienated, or shamed — though this would, of course, not be our intention.
When a suicidal person is finally sharing their feelings, here is what we should not do.
| Action | Why it’s harmful |
|---|---|
| Dismiss them with throw-away phrases | Your loved one is likely already hesitant to open up. Phrases like “It’s not that bad”, “Don’t be ungrateful”, “You’ll get over it”, or “Try not to dwell on things” are unhelpful. Dismissive comments can shut the door on honest communication — sometimes permanently. |
| Give them a checklist of things to “recover” | Suicidal thoughts often stem from long-term pain and trauma. Recovery isn’t quick or simple. Instead, offer to walk with them on a path of healing, allowing them some control over how that looks. |
| Accept their struggle as just “who they are now” | When someone has suffered for a long time, we may unknowingly adjust to their low mood or erratic behaviour and slowly disengage. Don’t forget who they were before this, and remind both yourself and them of that! |
| Change the subject or talk about your own troubles | Comparing experiences in an attempt to “snap them out of it” usually backfires. Their pain may prevent them from taking a logical or neutral view, and your intention may be misunderstood. |
| Use guilt or shame in the name of religion | Avoid making them feel like a bad Muslim or piling on spiritual guilt. Religious reminders benefit stable minds — in crisis, they need hope, not condemnation. Use this time to restore confidence and a longing for a better future. |
Put a safety plan in place
If you feel that someone is close to harming themselves, always trust your instinct. Consider all the ways you can support someone in this situation.
It may mean being physically present with them, and not leaving them alone, or monitoring their online spending, shopping, packages, or deliveries that may contain equipment intended for suicide.
It might be a case of informing close friends and family who can offer intervention by their physical presence and emotional support. Removing harmful objects from the home, especially the bedroom — where the person may be left unsupervised — might be a good safety step.
Also, getting to know your loved one’s routine, especially outside of the home, will be helpful. If they are underage, set location apps so you can keep an eye on where they are, if outside the home.
Speak affirmatively and directly to them about all the people who love them and the many many important reasons they have to live. Show them case studies of others who overcame the struggle of suicidal ideation and are living fulfilling lives today.
Last but not least, consider alerting police, mental health professionals, or hotlines to log your concerns and receive tailored advice for the specific nature of your loved one’s crisis.
Go-to list for times of increased vulnerability
When a particular feeling overwhelms a suicidal person, simply having a clear list of things they can do to diffuse the emotional upheaval may help enormously.
Sit down together with your loved one and, depending on their interests (even if they be past interests), environment, and choice. This can serve as a go-to list to discourage being alone, idle, and spiralling.
You can choose an outdoor activity for a set time that gets the person outside their home environment, and have uplifting and accessible books and other media that are your loved one’s favourites, or ones they can happily repeatedly turn back to.
Consider harnessing hobbies, skills, and talents — whether creative or practical. Begin a project that requires time and effort to complete, and encourage the commitment towards this. And have trusted friends and family your loved one is able to easily see/visit when they need to — a strong support network can make a major impact.